One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize