Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
