At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Be still, my beating vagina.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
