im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize