Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
