Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
