Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
