I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
