I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
As shirtless as possible
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize