Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
