Got a toothbrush?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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