i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
