In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
