if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
