i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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