He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
