i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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