My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
