I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
