are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
