Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
