I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
