i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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