that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
