no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
