Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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