the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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