home. puking in laundry basket.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize