Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
