Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
