I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
