My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
