What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
