Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
soo... how was my night?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
