he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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