Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
