Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
