i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
