You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
