i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
