sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
either way he was missing a nipple.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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