i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
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