you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
