just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
