i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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