I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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