No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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