He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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