is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
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