it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
