my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
