i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize