legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think people are normalizing furries
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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