brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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