It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
