He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
