Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
