i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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