just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
