Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
