DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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