suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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