Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
