fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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