The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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